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This period signifies a full decade since the term “vanishing” hit the common lexicon. Back then, the idea that someone could instantly end contact with a lover without a word seemed like the peak of disrespect. We were so innocent. In the decade since, navigating toward a mate has only become more confounding – an frequently pointless exercise in embarrassment that is increasingly pigeonholed by social media slang.

Zoomers, a demographic who grew up during a social isolation crisis, a masculinity reckoning, and a concerted attack on the rights of women and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a far messier environment than their Gen Y forerunners could ever imagine. And so their dating glossary has grown more extensive and more unhinged, with expressions like “Ogre-ing” and “vine swinging” testing the boundaries of your sanity.

What follows is a extensive glossary to the words gen Z is using to talk about romance, sex and the pursuit of both. To paraphrase one of the recent most popular memes, by the end of this glossary you’ll yearn to get back to a bygone era – because where that is, it lacks “ideological catfishing”.

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A

Authenticity – In the view of Zoomers, dating’s ideal is showing up as your real, unfiltered self. You'll need it with that!

The Letter B

Bird theory – A TikTok trend inspired by a methodology developed by relationship scientists, in which you point out something insignificant – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and note whether your partner’s reaction is interested or brushed off. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Independent partner – Gen Z’s rebuttal to the “manic pixie dream girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but instead of having baby bangs, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the mysterious partner prioritizes herself while radiating enigma and independence. (She might still have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Chair theory – This means choosing someone who aids you unprompted. If you entered a room, they would get a chair for you to take a load off.

Task-based bonding – A date where two people connect while doing chores, such as pet care or food shopping. In other words, how broke young adults do budget-friendly dating in a post-cheap-date world.

Melting down – Having a breakdown when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can crash out over a crush or breakup, spilling all of your (unrequited) emotions.

D

Dink – Dual income no kids. Once a marker of 80s yuppie excess, it refers to couples who choose against having children to prioritize their own fulfillment. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

E

Emotional vibe coding – The opposite of playing it cool: embracing communication, transparency and openness.

The Letter F

Flags

• Red flags – Behavioral habits signaling a prospective partner is not right. Examples include calling their former partners unstable, bad tipping habits, a love of controversial director films, a nascent DJ career …
• Good indicators – These actions validate your decision to date a mate. Such as checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal screen time, owning a bed frame …
• Neutral quirks – These typically describe specific, largely benign idiosyncrasies. For instance being an keen ornithologist, still keeping a pen in their wallet, paying the rent in cash …

Shared obsession pairing – When you find someone who’s just as obsessive about documentaries about the second world war or physical media hoarding or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, finding someone who loathes the same stuff or people that you do (few things fosters closeness faster than sharing a common enemy).

The Letter G

The band Geese – A band many young men is into.

Zombie-ing – Someone who reappears into your life after a length of silence.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is affable, accommodating and devoted. The uncommon partner who is beloved by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's opposite.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online community of men so preoccupied with masturbation that they attempt marathon sessions, deliberately postponing orgasm so they can continue as long as possible.

The Letter H

Pessimistic straight dating – A trend describing many women's increasing cynicism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An ideal championed by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and contentedly home-oriented, who seemingly has no aspirations of her own other than satisfying her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to understand the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

I

Icks – Random and often mundane repulsions that immediately kill any sense of attraction.

“He would if he cared" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else get an incredibly romantic act.

J

Careers – These have not been this significant in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ideal partner: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd prefer partners in fields they believe are being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: nurses, educators or counselors.

K

Kissing – This year, researchers learned that kissing has existed for 16m years. But the days of locking lips may be limited since some gen Z desire fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy realistic.

Kittenfishing – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more important than it is. Also known as {